Matnarlwig is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, self-assured centipede.

Matnarlwig created life nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Matnarlwig, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Matnarlwig, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Matnarlwig's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Matnarlwig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear titanium on your body.

2. Run away if four geese approach from the east.

3. Never leap in the presence of gulls.

4. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Do not speak about cherries.