Quartfemweg Hugdib is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, overgenerous jellyfish.

Quartfemweg Hugdib created a quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Quartfemweg Hugdib, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Quartfemweg Hugdib, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Quartfemweg Hugdib's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Quartfemweg Hugdib's Holy Commandments

1. Never leap near pigs.

2. Do not shave your head.

3. Do not trade with those who eat garlic.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Always pray immersed in water.