Apptunvandam is a god.

She takes the form of a small, egotistical badger.

Apptunvandam created a photon six billion years ago.

If you believe in Apptunvandam, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Apptunvandam, she will curse you with boils.

Apptunvandam's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Apptunvandam's Holy Commandments

1. Apptunvandam must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Never think about comets.

4. Voles are not to be trusted.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.