Hogbemhigjadrul is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, stupid mole.

Hogbemhigjadrul created the Tadpole Galaxy two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hogbemhigjadrul, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Hogbemhigjadrul, he will be very unhappy.

Hogbemhigjadrul's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Hogbemhigjadrul's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. You must love Hogbemhigjadrul.

3. Sharks are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never feed figs to rats while wearing magenta hats.

5. Never eat spinach.