Yarpzensid is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, proud bear.

Yarpzensid created everything that exists two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpzensid, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Yarpzensid, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Yarpzensid's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Yarpzensid's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about solid mechanics near capybaras while wearing brown ear rings.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Yarpzensid.

3. Worship no other gods but Yarpzensid.

4. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.