Minhuggig Flapcisspang is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, egotistical walrus.

Minhuggig Flapcisspang created carbon five million years ago.

If you believe in Minhuggig Flapcisspang, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Minhuggig Flapcisspang, he will torture you forever.

Minhuggig Flapcisspang's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Minhuggig Flapcisspang's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat figs.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Minhuggig Flapcisspang.

4. Never talk about swans.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.