Vonktunfigvabweg is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, unjust bird.

Vonktunfigvabweg created time and space eight million years ago.

If you believe in Vonktunfigvabweg, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Vonktunfigvabweg, it will destroy your home planet.

Vonktunfigvabweg's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Vonktunfigvabweg's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat melons.

2. Never think about the strong nuclear force near nematodes while wearing white trousers and balancing four silicon spheres on your back.

3. Never talk about quantum field theory.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Never feed lots of aubergines to snails while wearing orange scarves.