Fasstercum is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, impressive gorilla.

Fasstercum created the planet Mars nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Fasstercum, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Fasstercum, he will turn you into a snail.

Fasstercum's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Fasstercum's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing in the presence of seals.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

3. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Always help dolphins in need.