Gonvoltof is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, slow shrew.

Gonvoltof created a strange quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gonvoltof, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Gonvoltof, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Gonvoltof's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Gonvoltof's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about melons.

2. Always help sick squirrels.

3. Worship no other gods but Gonvoltof.

4. Never talk about dark matter.

5. Always treat eagles with great respect.