Timhimcumyattgigbimpin Sidnartlin is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, deceitful whale.

Timhimcumyattgigbimpin Sidnartlin created Africa seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Timhimcumyattgigbimpin Sidnartlin, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Timhimcumyattgigbimpin Sidnartlin, she will turn you into a duck.

Timhimcumyattgigbimpin Sidnartlin's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Timhimcumyattgigbimpin Sidnartlin's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from red snakes, for they are unholy.

2. Do not eat coconuts.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Draw representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Run away if seven sharks approach from the west.