Gemponpang is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, deceitful parrot.

Gemponpang created the planet Saturn seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Gemponpang, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Gemponpang, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Gemponpang's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Gemponpang's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention whales.

2. Never write about comets.

3. Never look at moons.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never talk about stars.