Tomrownurt is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, bad-tempered pig.

Tomrownurt created carbon eight million years ago.

If you believe in Tomrownurt, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tomrownurt, she will laugh at you.

Tomrownurt's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Tomrownurt's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

2. Never mention great tits.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.