Larplabflab Cissgeptaprutmaplak is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, annoying dryad.

Larplabflab Cissgeptaprutmaplak created the cosmos four billion years ago.

If you believe in Larplabflab Cissgeptaprutmaplak, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Larplabflab Cissgeptaprutmaplak, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Larplabflab Cissgeptaprutmaplak's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Larplabflab Cissgeptaprutmaplak's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry tortoises.

2. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Never talk about gravity.

4. Retreat if eight seals approach from the south.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate voles.