Afshavjonquamhogyimzigran is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, cheerful human.

Afshavjonquamhogyimzigran created humankind nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Afshavjonquamhogyimzigran, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Afshavjonquamhogyimzigran, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Afshavjonquamhogyimzigran's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Afshavjonquamhogyimzigran's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat beans.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never write about deoxyribonucleic acid.

4. Never go into green rooms.

5. Never wear stockings.