Bessgigbugtap is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, annoying dog.

Bessgigbugtap created snails six billion years ago.

If you believe in Bessgigbugtap, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bessgigbugtap, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Bessgigbugtap's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Bessgigbugtap's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Bessgigbugtap.

2. Never go into magenta rooms.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.