Gedyarcatbig is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, proud alligator.

Gedyarcatbig created the planet Venus two billion years ago.

If you believe in Gedyarcatbig, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Gedyarcatbig, he will turn you into a snail.

Gedyarcatbig's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Gedyarcatbig's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never wear dresses.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate eagles.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.