Kenflanjab is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, annoying tortoise.

Kenflanjab created Africa six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kenflanjab, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Kenflanjab, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Kenflanjab's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Kenflanjab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill tapirs.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Learn four new languages a year.

4. Do not hurt seals.

5. Do not chop down trees.