Kipbestjarn is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, narcissistic spider.

Kipbestjarn created water two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kipbestjarn, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Kipbestjarn, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Kipbestjarn's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Kipbestjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about chromosomes.

2. Learn six new languages a year.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never wear violet stockings.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.