Ladlat is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, loving hippopotamus.

Ladlat created bats six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ladlat, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Ladlat, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Ladlat's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Ladlat's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if seven nematodes approach from the west.

2. Never think about optics near ants while wearing pink kilts and balancing three gold spheres on your neck.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Gulls are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never hurt rats.