Cimflatdumtettiboncamshavcan is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, awesome narwhal.

Cimflatdumtettiboncamshavcan created dark matter six million years ago.

If you believe in Cimflatdumtettiboncamshavcan, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Cimflatdumtettiboncamshavcan, it will think nothing of it.

Cimflatdumtettiboncamshavcan's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Cimflatdumtettiboncamshavcan's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about asteroids.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of copper.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never think about quantum gravity near gulls while wearing yellow tights and balancing six silver spheres on your arms.

5. Hide from turquoise cats for they are unholy.