Cadquafpangtar is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, confident tortoise.

Cadquafpangtar created tapeworms nine million years ago.

If you believe in Cadquafpangtar, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cadquafpangtar, he will turn you into a slug.

Cadquafpangtar's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Cadquafpangtar's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never write about bacteria.

4. Never chant near bats.

5. Pray towards the east.