Ontmutflig is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, idiotic hedgehog.

Ontmutflig created silver six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ontmutflig, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Ontmutflig, she will turn you into a dog.

Ontmutflig's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Ontmutflig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about chlorophyll.

2. Ontmutflig must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not eat gooseberries.

5. Never think about spacetime near monkeys while wearing purple jumpers and balancing nine aluminium spheres on your head.