Yamlanqueegflab is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, loving jellyfish.

Yamlanqueegflab created the world six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yamlanqueegflab, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Yamlanqueegflab, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Yamlanqueegflab's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Yamlanqueegflab's Holy Commandments

1. Never run in the presence of rats.

2. Never eat tomatoes.

3. Never bounce near swans.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never eat green fruit.