Lakvagmab is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, irritating hedgehog.

Lakvagmab created the planet Mars two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lakvagmab, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Lakvagmab, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Lakvagmab's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Lakvagmab's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat garlic.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. You must love Lakvagmab.

4. Never think about planets.

5. Retreat if six geese approach from the north.
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