Yartkonvig is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, caring narwhal.

Yartkonvig created water three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yartkonvig, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Yartkonvig, he will make you grow a tail.

Yartkonvig's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Yartkonvig's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the east.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Erect a giant pink sculpture of Yartkonvig in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never feed lots of cherries to snails while wearing mauve skirts.

5. Do not eat beans.