Hogsadbess is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, annoying rat.

Hogsadbess created bats four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hogsadbess, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hogsadbess, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Hogsadbess' most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Hogsadbess' Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat parsnips.

2. Never hurt dolphins.

3. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Always look after injured tortoises.