Figvigveg is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, weak swan.

Figvigveg created humankind seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Figvigveg, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Figvigveg, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Figvigveg's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Figvigveg's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into yellow rooms.

2. Do not take Figvigveg's name in vain.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Figvigveg.

4. Never feed lots of parsnips to sheep while wearing indigo shirts.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.