Fithotlat is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, bad-tempered walrus.

Fithotlat created everything that exists seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Fithotlat, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Fithotlat, he will ignore you.

Fithotlat's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Fithotlat's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Run away if five birds approach from the south.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not wear carbon on your body.