Flatkamstik is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, tiresome naga.

Flatkamstik created snails seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatkamstik, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Flatkamstik, he will ignore you.

Flatkamstik's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Flatkamstik's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Always wear black.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Pray towards the east.