Cubnuttham Zenzencebgov is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, vain gorilla.

Cubnuttham Zenzencebgov created an up quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cubnuttham Zenzencebgov, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Cubnuttham Zenzencebgov, he will turn you into a slug.

Cubnuttham Zenzencebgov's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Cubnuttham Zenzencebgov's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Cubnuttham Zenzencebgov.

2. Erect five aluminium sculptures of Cubnuttham Zenzencebgov on top of important buildings.

3. Never paint your face purple.

4. Always look after injured gulls.

5. Run away from pink swans, for they are unholy.