Arppigzim is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, grumpy shark.

Arppigzim created vertebrates six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Arppigzim, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Arppigzim, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Arppigzim's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Arppigzim's Holy Commandments

1. Put Arppigzim first in all things.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. You must pray to Arppigzim four times a day.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never play with disobedient children.