Begwanzak is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, conceited camel.

Begwanzak created viruses two million years ago.

If you believe in Begwanzak, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Begwanzak, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Begwanzak's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Begwanzak's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Begwanzak.

2. Pray towards the north.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always make sure there are no great tits in a room before entering it.

5. Never write about asteroids.