Ortbogmil is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, all-knowing beaver.

Ortbogmil created the Andromeda Galaxy two years ago.

If you believe in Ortbogmil, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Ortbogmil, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Ortbogmil's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Ortbogmil's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Never feed melons to seals while wearing magenta kilts.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Erect a giant platinum sculpture of Ortbogmil in the centre of the settlement.