Absugflap is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, blissful tapir.

Absugflap created energy four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Absugflap, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Absugflap, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Absugflap's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Absugflap's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. You must never eat apples.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Never think ill of sick rats.