Bessdissjarn is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, smart badger.

Bessdissjarn created vertebrates nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bessdissjarn, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bessdissjarn, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Bessdissjarn's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Bessdissjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about optics.

2. Put Bessdissjarn first in all things.

3. Do not wear lead on your body.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Hide if seven snakes approach from the south.