Flaphaksan is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, clever bat.

Flaphaksan created Asia four billion years ago.

If you believe in Flaphaksan, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Flaphaksan, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Flaphaksan's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Flaphaksan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Do not eat cucumbers.

5. Do not commit murder.