Bifzog is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, boastful turtle.

Bifzog created humanity three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bifzog, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Bifzog, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Bifzog's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Bifzog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about peanuts.

2. Tapirs are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never talk about whales.

4. Do not eat grapes.

5. Do not trade with those who eat bread.