Hotvonflan is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, unselfish monkey.

Hotvonflan created energy four billion years ago.

If you believe in Hotvonflan, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Hotvonflan, he will refuse to believe in you.

Hotvonflan's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Hotvonflan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate eagles.

3. Never talk about pigs.

4. Hotvonflan loves tapirs, so they must be honoured.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Hotvonflan.