Dotbastnankip Habflanstragmipkab is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, boastful goat.

Dotbastnankip Habflanstragmipkab created the cosmos twelve years ago.

If you believe in Dotbastnankip Habflanstragmipkab, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Dotbastnankip Habflanstragmipkab, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Dotbastnankip Habflanstragmipkab's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Dotbastnankip Habflanstragmipkab's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Dotbastnankip Habflanstragmipkab.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of iron.

4. Never leap in the presence of frogs.

5. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.