Afpakkon is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, grumpy hedgehog.

Afpakkon created vertebrates three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Afpakkon, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Afpakkon, he will remove you from existence.

Afpakkon's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Afpakkon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat lentils.

2. Never talk about quantum mechanics near dolphins while wearing turquoise ear rings.

3. Learn five new languages a year.

4. Always obey Afpakkon's priests.

5. You must pray to Afpakkon three times a day.