Flapbafcut is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, smart deer.

Flapbafcut created snails nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flapbafcut, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Flapbafcut, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Flapbafcut's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Flapbafcut's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about nucleic acids.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

5. Do not keep eight snakes in a large pit.