Gamfatwee is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, humorless cow.

Gamfatwee created tapeworms eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gamfatwee, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gamfatwee, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Gamfatwee's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Gamfatwee's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about ribonucleic acid.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Do not wear gold on your body.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate cats.

5. Never hurt birds.