Tomranbarn is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, stupid dog.

Tomranbarn created the world four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tomranbarn, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tomranbarn, she will torture you forever.

Tomranbarn's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Tomranbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill bats.

2. Never wear gray rings.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Draw representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never talk about cell theory.