Nelkenlag is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, benevolent chinchilla.

Nelkenlag created life nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nelkenlag, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Nelkenlag, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Nelkenlag's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Nelkenlag's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear brown kilts.

2. Draw representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Do not bounce in public.

4. Great tits are not to be trusted.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Nelkenlag.