Jabxinwab is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, unthoughtful cobra.

Jabxinwab created viruses six billion years ago.

If you believe in Jabxinwab, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Jabxinwab, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Jabxinwab's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Jabxinwab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in violet rooms.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never think about ultrasonics near gulls while wearing black shoes and balancing six platinum spheres on your head.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.