Bumbossbed is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, vain tapir.

Bumbossbed created a Higgs boson four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bumbossbed, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Bumbossbed, she will turn you into a mouse.

Bumbossbed's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Bumbossbed's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dogs.

2. Do not shave your arms.

3. Run away if six aardvarks approach from the north.

4. Do not keep four tapirs in a large pit.

5. Never think about gravity near ants while wearing mauve tights and balancing eight tin spheres on your feet.