Bemzimnul is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, boastful dugong.

Bemzimnul created carbon seven million years ago.

If you believe in Bemzimnul, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Bemzimnul, it will turn you into a tree.

Bemzimnul's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Bemzimnul's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Learn six new languages a year.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bemzimnul.

4. Never talk about dwarf planets.

5. Do not make images of living things.