Flatventif is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, staggering goose.

Flatventif created a bottom quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Flatventif, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Flatventif, she will turn you into a mouse.

Flatventif's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Flatventif's Holy Commandments

1. Always help grasshopers in need.

2. You must love Flatventif.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Aardvarks are not to be trusted.

5. Always take life seriously.