Wotcancad is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, slow salamander.

Wotcancad created a down quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Wotcancad, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Wotcancad, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Wotcancad's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Wotcancad's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear magenta shoes.

2. Never write about nebulae.

3. Put Wotcancad first in all things.

4. Never wear corsets.

5. Pray towards the east.