Cumcabfig Yattnabcat is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, irritating hydra.

Cumcabfig Yattnabcat created an up quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Cumcabfig Yattnabcat, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Cumcabfig Yattnabcat, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Cumcabfig Yattnabcat's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Cumcabfig Yattnabcat's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat sheep with great respect.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. You must never eat grapes.

4. Never eat spinach.

5. Always look after injured whales.